You know it is Kali Yuga when a frog's beating heart wins over a stinking fruit

I am still reeling after watching a program Bizarre Foods: Asia on Travel Channel yesternight. Andrew Zimmern a hearty, balding (should I just say bald?) chef with a taste for the most weird foods (if you could call them that!) takes on Asia. Of course we've all heard about how the Asians love their snakes and scorpions, but Zimmern takes eating to a whole new level. Recalling from my memory, which is still mentally regurgitating, here is a list of foods that no man should ever even think about:

• Frogs in Tokyo: Smiling Japanese chef has a group of kicking frogs and asks baby-face-with-crazy-taste to pick out one. The chosen green froggie is skinned alive (at this point I start uttering Gayatri mantra to purify myself). Jap man scoops the beating heart and hands it over to Z, who looks confused and delighted at the same time. He just plops it into his mouth, while I watch unable to comprehend what just happened. To wash down the undoubtedly delicious taste I-topped-my-frog-skinning-class Jap creates a sake with a DEAD lizard sitting in that glass. Roly-poly looked like kid-in-disneyland and drank it down, murmuring culinary comments. I ask, is it possible to even think when you know you have eaten a beating heart and a dead lizard sake. Obviously, as I am a vegetarian, averse to eating anything that moves, I would not know much about the mental powers that one garners from eating frogs.
  

• What a sad ending to a possibly long life: No, not the elephant but it is the turtle or tortoise I did not observe closely enough, as I watched the whole program like one would watch a horror movie, but in this case I did not enjoy it. Well, Saddam chopped off the turtle's head and collected the gushing blood in a bowl. Come on, one needs appetizing drinks now. Human blood would have to wait for a more "broad minded" audience or is cannibalism legal in Tokyo? All drink and no solid makes Z a dull boy. So, various organs are placed in different blood-filled glasses. Imagine all the party games you can play with this one - Guess the Organ, Lotto with Body parts. Ooh! Hope Paris is reading this. Apparently nutritious and improves the virility these dishes are in great demand. I digress when I ask, which woman would even contemplate being with someone who eats anything that moves! She could be next.

• Roasted Bats: Stick-toting villagers and Z, hike long distances to underground caves and get about a dozen fruit bats. Why choose the veggie bats ? Why not go after the vampire bats ? That would be an even contest. These bats are eventually roasted and eaten.

• Bird Nests: That is correct. Not content with eating the inhabitants the Chinese have found a way to eat their homes. The bird saliva and excrement are major components of the nests and are known to have medicinal properties of anti-aging etc. Since they are built high up in the mountains, are very laborious to collect and so, are very expensive.
  

• Durian- the fruit that stopped Z: Durian is the fruit native to Thailand, the brave general who defeats the incorrigible appetite of the philistines. It is known for a powerful odor and is banned from hotels and select public places. Anyways, Z after consuming everything from pig's ears to chicken brains could not get himself to eat a fruit.

Of course, there are probably weirder foods (really? I cannot think of any) but the point is these are popular enough to have their own stalls and fan-base. Ignoring the outliers who consume placenta (please tell me it is untrue) and human hair (I am sure no one does this), it is difficult to accept such tastes. I am not a voyeur who derived vicarious pleasure from watching this program. The only reason I watched was to be aware of the depths of human depravity.