Kerala - bloopers paradise

We set foot in Kerala confident of our Tamil and English speaking skills dolloped with a good amount of the Mallu accent. Had quite a gala time trying to communicate our needs. The Keralites are friendly, amusing and real good sports.

• We were given the tree-name tour by our driver as we wound our way in the car to the hotel. It was his earnestness that prevented me from laughing aloud as he kept pointing out the Eucalipstick trees
• No hotel in Munnar has a fan. Atleast that was what we were told. When I called room service and asked for a table fan I was first greeted with silence and then heard rollicking laughter at the other end. Apparently we were the first guests to have asked for a fan
• If you want to read the paper- be specific. Enunciate clearly : I want a copy of today's newspaper (keyword) to read. Else you will be gifted with random sheets of paper - torn, a week old, the Malayalam daily etc.
• Practice saying the previously mentioned sentence especially if you are addicted to knowing the news. I was waiting in my room for the 'paper' I had asked for. Instead the kind bellboy got me special tea with cardomom pepper!
• Much against my wishes my mom asked a maid if the hotel did not provide the "hand spray" facility [beside the commode]. The maid gave us a triumphant look and dashed into the bathroom with a plastic bag. We were sufficiently impressed that they carried around the required attachments. She opened her bag, whipped out the cleaning brush and a bottle of cleaning liquid and began cleaning the toilet vigorously. When I tried asking about the hand spray, she just pointed to the bottle and said spray.
  To compound things, another cleaning maid seeing the bewildered look on our faces offered to help as she knew Tamil. When we explained it all, she gave us the "I know what you are talking about look" and got a bottle filled with water (spray type).
• And be prepared to know how many portions of bread you will be eating.
  

Some observations..

• The national dress for women of Kerala is the nightie with a towel that acts like a duppatta. This explains why every mannequin displayed proudly in the shop-front is dressed in a nightie.
• The animals will grace you with their presence only when they feel like it. I managed to catch sight of wild pigs in the Periyar Sanctuary and for that I am grateful. The Nilgiri Tahr decided to come out of hiding (Eraivikulam National Park) just as we were leaving in the car. It refused to meet me the 1 hour I spent walking in search of it.
• Look out for the Black monkey and let me know if you see it. Some knowledgeable localite told me that troops of them can be seen all over the place.
• It is not as cold as they tell you it will be
  
• A local internet shop will have a 11 slot USB card reader with CD writing facilities. I burnt a CD for 25 Rs only.
• If you have a Christian driver do the Hindu temple research on your own.
  
• Try to go to shops different from the ones your driver patronises. It is possible that he is channeling your business for some commission.
• Ask upfront about hidden charges and don't worry about coming across like a penny pincher. You are paying, not them.
• I did not get a single mosquito bite.
• Every dam will have a boat ride and speed boat is a misnomer. You can bribe the boat driver to cover extra distance (over the 15 mt limit) but don't. Not worth it.
• Your chances of survival are highest if traveling by jeep on the mountainous roads. All other smaller vehicles can be squashed like flies. (Well if you are in a bus you cannot even enter some paths)
  
• Don't eat the tea leaves right off the bush. They are awfully bitter. Kudos to the Chinese for processing them and inventing tea.
• There is no best season to visit Kerala. Any time is a good time.